11.22.10

This blog isn't going by as quickly as I thought it would. It's been hard to relive all the mistakes I've made the past several years and months, which is keeping me from posting some of the fun I've had. But, I'm not gonna rush into things...I need to take my time and go at my own pace. I have no one to answer to but myself...

I need to talk to you about what its like on both sides of the fence...the joys of having someone by your side one day and thousands of miles away and no longer a part of your life the next. It hurts, and it hurts very bad. Before her, I never wanted to fall in love. I didn't believe in love. I saw myself as a bachelor, a single man. I thought that way because I was insecure with myself. All the women that had been a part of my life were always interested in my best friend. You see, he was the one with the boyish charm good looks, the million dollar smile and the wit to make them smile. But when I fell for her and we grew...I started to believe in love and what you can accomplish when you're in it.

Now that it's gone, I want it again. I'm smarter about love and know what to look for. I believe in love because I've experienced it with a wonderful woman who I owe a great deal to. She didn't deserve what happened, I should have been the prince that she was looking for....but at the end, I was the toad. But now that I'm a toad, the next princess that kisses me will get her prince. It's just a matter of finding a princess that is suited for this prince.

It's been hard, looking at the little things that remind me of what once was...but, I have friends and family that keep me positive. I have new friends that keep me busy and newer friends that keep me happy. I have friends afar that are a new part of my life, they tell me their exciting news and adventures and remind me of what I enjoy and what to look for.

I know you were hoping for a story, of lets say a new game that was played. And next post, I promise to tell you of that game and the following games that followed. But for now, please accept the fact that I'm very thankful for all of you to be a part of my life.

11.3.10

I've been trying to figure out what I can write about. I know eventually I will talk about my past...but right now that's not the best idea. My ex knows that I wrote a blog, she even knows people that write other blogs (not personally, but if she were to look for this blog she could find it through their blog. And even though it doesn't matter, I made a promise to her to not talk about her or the past. So I have to be very careful about what I say.) And because of that, this blog may go private at some point...

So, what am I gonna talk about on this post...how about masturbation. Fun right, well not what I have to tell you. I've been having guilt issues whenever I play with myself because of the past. Lemme explain that a bit... I would sneak off to masturbate behind my ex's back. So much that it would make me feel guilty. Now, whenever I play with myself and cum, I feel guilty...still. Even though I'm single. It shouldn't bother me, but it does...I can't enjoy a good rub without instantly feeling like shit...

Yes, I need to see a therapist. I have in the past, and it worked well for me. I will eventually...others will say that I need to masturbate more so that feeling of guilt will go away...and it doesn't always happen, the guilt. But when I've been talking to someone and the chat goes sexual...at the end I'm sooo worked up I need that release...that's usually when it happens.

In other news, I've recent got in contact with people from Seattle and even other lower 48 states. They've filled me in on their romps. I'm jealous, but in that fun way. Mainly because I know what they are enjoying. In my old blog, I talked about living a summer camp life. I hate to part with friends and it seems like they are gone too fast. I know they are just a phone call, text, email or IM  away...

This isnt the type of post most of you are use to, but I said this blog will be more personal and helpful (to me).

I promise to write about some of the fun I've been having...soon ;-)

Post 10.28.2010

I'm no stranger to blogs, in fact some of you may even know me from a previous life. This time around, you will see a more personal side to who I am along with what you've grown to love. I will share with you what's happening to me now that I'm single and my most personal thoughts, not to mention the occasional post about a sexual romp every now and again. Ok ok, more then just the occasional post, lets face it I love to tell you about that side of me.

So back to square one. I'm recently single and just a few months older then 34. I made mistakes in my past and have paid for them in the price of the love of my life leaving me. So now I must sleep in the bed that I fucked in...quite literally I might add. I moved back to the Frozen Tundra, my hometown of Anchorage, Alaska. I didn't reveal that in my previous blog, well for personal reasons. I was trying to hide who I was but I forgot to hide those around me as much as I did myself. And by not doing that, I lost the person that balanced me and made me into a better person.

I'm back with family and seeing friends I haven't seen in several years. I'm gonna fight to stay sober and clean by doing the thing that I love the most...DJ'ing. When I left that scene to move to Seattle, I was chin deep in drugs and alcohol. I'm a stronger person now and ready to Conquer the World, aka CTW. No more FTW, its CTW now folks. I have a great group of friends, many of whom you will see in the comments section in the very early posts and those are the ones I need to thank very much. You were there for me when I needed you the most and for that I'm eternally grateful.

I've met some amazing new people since I've been back. Some are just friends, others more then that. I won't go into detail that much in these first few posts, I have a lot of stuff I need to get off my chest. So bare with me, and you will soon get that juicy gossip you've been waiting for.

So, that's it for now. Till next time folks, have fun and play safe!10.28.2010